Wooboy....late again. But at least I'm here.

So...wanted to write something, kind of like, advice for my girls. Something that they can read about when they are still young and receptive, before the rebellion kicks in. I want to be able to drill some of these points in while they're still young, so that when they become older, in the midst of all the physical and emotional chaos that adolescence will bring, while struggling through the hormonal upheaval, they will hold these - dare I say? - principles to heart.

I want to write about boys. Men. What to expect. What not to expect. What some of the utterly ridiculous myths and lies about them are, and how to be careful about them when need be.

Now, please don't mistake this as a male-bashing post. I am a man myself, after all. Whatever I write in this post are of course my own opinions, and by virtue of the nature of such a post, there is a certain amount of generalisation involved. But I am not writing about the exception here.

Often, whether in movies, TV shows, books, or causal conversations with people, I come across, as I'm sure many of you do, certain common characteristics that guys are supposed to possess, or certain values promoted as the right values. For the sake of my daughters, I want to point out some of these mistakes, and clarify where I stand on them. For the rest of you, read at your own leisure, or, if it offends, take it with a pinch of salt, or don't read it.


1. "When a guy says 'I love you', congratulations, because he really means it. It is just not possible for a guy to say that and not mean it."

Anyone heard this before? I've seen it in so many shows. The girl will say "I love you" to the guy, and he will at first be reluctant to say those words back, because he's still not fully sure of the relationship. Then, further down the story, as the guy becomes sure, he says them, and everybody knows, that means the guy is 100% sincere and honest, and he will stay faithful to the girl forever, because he uttered those words.

Girls, that is false. Please do not fall for this lie. Generally speaking, it is no harder for a guy to say that than for a girl to do the same. Some guys, when they do say those words, they really do mean it, and they don't take it lightly, and it is in fact a sign of their commitment. But just as many, if not more, guys will not hesitate to shout out those 3 words, in order to achieve whatever they were hoping to achieve. And since this is a family-friendly blog with family-friendly posts, I shall refrain from elaborating further what those goals might be. So it's really not a case of whether a guy says it or a girl says it, it's the character of the person, whether he means what he says or not.


2. "Just because we're together, doesn't mean I can't have my own personal space. Stop trying to find out who I go out with, and don't even think about checking my phone! That means you don't trust me!"

Again, hands up those who have come across this before. The idea is, girls, please don't be so possessive, or jealous, or demanding. Just give your man some personal space. It's okay if he keeps some things from you. Don't keep questioning him. You mean you don't trust him?

On the surface of it, it seems logical right? A lot of TV shows portray the over-possessive and insecure wife or girlfriend trying to check on the husband or boyfriend's handphone, or email, or demanding to know where he was going. More often than not, they are seen to be a bit crazy, and usually they are found to be in the wrong, and to have worried for nothing.

Call me old-fashioned, but I don't believe there should be personal space between married couples. If not married yet, fine, there's an argument for that to be made, since both parties have not fully committed to each other. But once a couple is married, the husband and wife are supposed to share in everything. There should not be any secrets between them. No such thing as meetings with own personal friends that the wife cannot interfere with. Handphone messages, emails, everything should be open and transparent. Of course, in a healthy relationship, the wife should not be demanding to check on the husband's phone messages every hour, and if the husband doesn't have a habit of hiding things, the wife, assuming she is a normal person, will not make such demands. But if she should want to look at his handphone at anytime, he should freely let her do so, since there should not be anything to hide.

The husband should also let his wife be aware at all times where he is, doing what, and with whom. It is not a matter of trust here, but accountability. It is a way of letting the wife know that he will not put himself in a compromising situation, for example, being alone with a female colleague. And going out alone with a friend of the opposite sex, no matter how platonic the friendship is supposed to be, is a definite no-no after marriage, unless there is explicit consent from the wife. And of course, this is true the other way round as well.


3. If a guy tells you not to fall for him, or not to get to close to him, or he may fall for you, and he doesn't want that because he can't give you the best, or he's not good enough, or something to that effect, please listen and run far far away!

Girls, please don't take that as a challenge, or think that the guy is so considerate, he really cares for you, and he is worried he can't give you the best, so he is fighting against his feelings and telling you to stay away. There is only one reason for saying such things: entrapment. It's a snare designed to draw you in even deeper. He knows the kind of reverse psychology effect such words will have on you. And he has the secondary benefit of an excuse if and when he breaks up with you in the end. "See, I told you right in the beginning!"


4. Beware of sweet talk and "romantic" actions.

It's a scientific fact. Guys are stimulated by visual images. Girls, on the other hand, are attracted to words, to the creating of emotions, feelings, through these words, as well as actions. So you have guys who are really adept at saying the right words, doing the right things, to create a "romantic" atmosphere. While all these things are important in enhancing the courtship process, girls have to be very careful to distinguish between this and the guy's actual character. I mean, it's all well and good to say all the touching things, we see this all the time in the TV drama serials, but it's not difficult to say these words, or do those actions. These are all superficial. Look deeper into the person's character, how he acts under pressure, how he treats other people, especially when he's not aware that you are watching. Ultimately, these are the important things you look for in a guy, not how mushy he makes you feel with words and superficial acts.


My dearest Chloe, Clarissa, and Charlotte,

There will come a time when these things become relevant to you. When it comes, I pray that you will take these points to heart. While in the whirlwind of romance, always keep your feet on the ground, and remember what is important. And when in doubt, always remember the most important advice of all: Ask your father.