Fourth

Gideon. The 4th arrow in my quiver, so to speak. He's currently coming to 21 months old, and is at the stage where he's becoming aware of his surroundings and environment, and learning to interact meaningfully with the people around him more and more. That's the super fun stage, where, for the first time, you speak an instruction, and he actually understands it and carries it out. It's the transition between an uncomprehending baby and a young child whom you can engage in actual conversation.

Unfortunately, it's also the time where he's realising he can demand his way, and he actually has free will and can do pretty much what his little heart wishes. So he starts shouting and screaming his way to getting what he wants. And sometimes, just to recover some measure of peace, we take the easy way out and give in to him. As you would imagine, that just encourages him further, cos now he knows Daddy and Mummy's weakness.

Still, it never get old watching my kids grow up. With Gideon, it's the fourth time, but it still just amazes me how he picks up everything like a sponge, and starts doing and saying stuff by learning them himself. I can't wait for him to grow up and start speaking sentences. Wait, I take that back. I want to slowly savour every moment for as long as I can, because once he's past this stage, he's not coming back to it anymore. The natural babyish cuteness is inevitably going to go, and I just can't get enough of it as it is. I want more of this:

So parents, especially fathers, who may tend to leave the taking care of kids to the mothers, don't miss out on this golden period. Seize every moment that you can, spend as much time with your kids as you can. The memories are just so precious, and such a time passes all too quickly. Your kids are also going to appreciate you being there for them and with them. This is the time your kids look up to you as their heroes, and you have the best opportunity to teach and guide them in the way they should go. There's not going to be a second chance.

Gideon, my beautiful boy, may God bless you mightily with joy and happiness everyday as you grow up, and may every day be an exciting adventure to learn and play, in the environment of love your mother and I try to give you.

Exams

Chloe just finished her exams last week, and her results are starting to trickle in.

It has been a struggle the past 3-4 weeks, helping her prepare for her exams. The truth is, I must take part of the blame. I've not been following her work too closely the past year, because she has been doing fairly well, and so we have been a bit more lax with her. Unfortunately, I didn't realise that she has not been keeping up with her work, and we've been trying to play catch up while revising for her exams.

It's all too easy, I suppose, to blame her for not doing her work well and not paying attention in class, etc, but when I stop to think about it, she's only 9 years old(actually, she's only 9 this December), how can she fully understand the importance of having a right attitude to her studies, and to prioritise what is important? It's probably something most parents have to deal with. When you're a kid, you just want to have fun, who would enjoy doing homework and assessment books?

Still, there must be a balance, and I find myself struggling with this. How far do I go in pushing her in her studies? What's her limit? At what point do I hold back and allow her a breather? At the same time, am I being too relaxed with her? Is she understanding the importance of studying hard?

Nowadays, people like to say kids should be allowed to have fun, enjoy their childhood, experience all sorts of things, rather than just study, study, study. I think it's important to enjoy the experience of childhood, and go out there and try stuff, but it's a reality that studies are important, and not just in the academic sense. I think it trains up a sort of discipline, to do something you have to do, even though you don't feel like doing. That's something I'm trying to train Chloe in, more than purely getting good grades. If ultimately, she demonstrates the right attitude in putting in the effort in her studies, even if her results are not the best, I will be fine with that. That is something I remind myself often, to focus more on developing her character and good values, than just the actual grades themselves.

There has been some improvement, and I think she is starting to grasp the concept of having to do what needs to be done, even if it may not feel good to do so.

Just writing out random thoughts at a time when I probably should be sleeping

"Coping" with 4 children

Many times, when my family goes out, we get "the look" a lot. Usually not in a bad way, just in amazement that we have so many children. Oftentimes, a kind auntie will smile at us and say, "Wah, very good, you all helping Singapore ah!", or some uncle will tell us, "You all have so many children, very good! Uncle also wanted so many children last time, but now regret too late already!" Me and my wife, we usually return their encouraging words with a kind (tired) smile, and continue restraining our struggling kids.

Our friends would also voice their admiration from time to time, saying they cannot fathom how we're coping with 4 kids and no domestic helper(my mother-in-law does stay with us during the weekdays, so it's not completely no help), and that we are just awesome!

This always makes me feel a bit guilty, because really, what's the definition of "coping"? Just the fact that we have 4 kids and all of us are still alive, does that constitute coping? (actually, that in itself takes a lot of effort)

My point is, most people don't know the struggles we go through as a family. As obvious as it may sound, having 4 kids(5 in the near future, *gulp*) is really not easy, and it's not something others can understand unless they have so many kids themselves. And while my wife and I are thankful for so many children, and we are generally happy together, I honestly don't know if we are "coping". There are days when it just seems too overwhelming. It often feels like we are in a room with the water level rising, and we are on tip toe, our heads arched upwards and the water just swirling around our nostrils. A comedian I saw on youtube who has 4 kids described the experience thus: imagine you are drowning, and then someone passes you a baby.

Just take one aspect in our lives: the cleanliness(or lack thereof) of our home. I present to you these unadulterated pictures of our home, taken on a whim, without any prior setup:

Our house is never tidy these days. There'll always be toys, pieces of clothing, food even, on our floor, and practically everywhere. I used to get upset, and tried to pick up all the stuff, and my wife would threaten to throw away any toy found carelessly strewn about. These days we just walk past the clutter, swerving with expert footwork to avoid every piece of debris.

And that's just the most superficial, trivial aspect of our family life. We worry about our children's future. Are they going to do well in their studies? Will they be able to choose what they want to do? Will they marry good husbands and wives? Will all my children support Spurs?

I suppose every family is different, because everyone is different. Every child is different. But I daresay for every family as big as ours, there must be considerable effort put into maintaining and building the bonds and relationships in the family, and there must be days when it will feel like we are just not "coping". But if truth be told, we love having a big family, and sometimes when we sit back, we see all the little "moments" in our family, the kids interacting with one another, the funny things that happen, even the not-so-funny ones, we wouldn't have it any other way.

When I first found out that my wife was pregnant with our 5th child, I was truly stunned, and it took me awhile to accept it, because just when I thought the worst was over, with our 4th child finally starting to walk and talk, we were going to have to do it all over again. I was affected by it. But here's a secret: there was a thrill that ran through me, a shiver of joy that shot down my spine, as I came to the realization that there was going to be another beautiful child given to us, and I tingled at the endless possibilities that this new child of ours could bring to our family and our world.

So yes, there are struggles. Yes, some days it feels impossible. But on reflection, I would say we are coping, no, we are more than coping. We are reveling in this big, crazy party that we are having. And there is room for one more guest. So bring it on!

Third

Clarissa, my third child, and second daughter, is a real character. I think the nickname "chilli padi", while quite cliched, is probably the best one to describe her. She is a ferocious creature, and possesses more gumption than her age betrays. In front of the camera, she always puts on her best appearance, and poses for every shot. In this picture,

I was trying to get a candid shot of her eating her kueh, and she was a little sullen at the time, but the moment she caught me holding my phone in front of her, she at once smiled straight into the camera - except she was looking at the wrong end of the phone, as she did not know where the camera on the phone was exactly. Always looking the best for the camera. And always looking for a good picture. She actively asked me to take a picture of her with these chocolate cows,

just because they were pretty and cute, and i suppose she thought were worthy enough to be taken with her in the same picture.

When the camera is not on her, on the other hand, she lets loose her fierce temper without reserve, and her siblings, in particular Gareth, are often on the receiving end of her fiery wrath. She insists on getting her way all the time, and throws screaming fits when she doesn't.

I must say, though, she is unbelievably perceptive, and has such a sharp and quick-thinking mind, she often analyses the situation quickly and chooses the best available option. As a result, she gets her way out of potentially unfavourable situations more often than her siblings, in particular Gareth.

She is extremely eager to learn new things as well. Every class that we offer her, be it ballet, piano, guitar, she always grabs hungrily, and is so focused on learning at every lesson. I almost feel guilty for not being able to find the time to squeeze in more for her.

Makes it all the more important that she has the right values. She's undergoing the phase now where she's being a bit rebellious, purposely doing what she is told not to do, and is testing her boundaries by seeing how far she can go without being punished. We're going to have to manage this carefully, and it's been a challenge, but the hope of the potential she can go on to reach maintains our motivation to find the right balance.

Second

Gareth is the second to be added to our family. He's 6 years old this year, and a whole different ballgame compared to his older sister. You know how in school, we used to be taught that molecules are moving all the time, even in solids, but especially so in gaseous form, and they are just flying all over the place, bouncing off whatever they come into contact with, like a wall, objects, etc? We were also taught that molecules move faster when they are hot, right? Well, picture a molecule that is superheated, and enlarge it a gazillion fold: tada! You have my son!

Only he's not powered by heat. The boy's fuel is sugar, in all its glorious forms. People tell me there's no scientific basis to the phenomenon known as "sugar rush", but well, if that's the null hypothesis, spend half a day 10 minutes with my son after he's had a slice of cake, or egg tart, or mango pudding, I guarantee you'll reject it right away.

You see him above in his Captain America costume. He's crazy about superheroes right now, and I must confess, that's partly my fault. I'm a big superhero comics fan, and I started introducing him to all these characters, and even make him memorize their alter egos(seriously, he even knows the Falcon's real name!) and test him afterwards. Then Marvel has to come up with all these super duper awesome superhero movies, I mean, they have to share the blame too!

Anyway, he's got quite a collection of superhero toys and accessories now, with this:

being just a sample.

He's not overly obsessed about superheroes though(at least, I keep telling myself that). He's crazy about Lego sets, especially those with superheroes(waitaminit...), and he loves to play soccer too. I started playing with him from young, as evidenced by this photo:

and now he's attending a soccer school regularly. I have wild hopes of him blazing a trail in his subsequent schools, and then country, and maybe even internationally!(a man can dream) What's more, his favourite EPL club is Tottenham Hotspur, which happens to be my favourite club. What a happy coincidence!

He's a real source of energy in the house. You know the saying,"Don't try to run before you can walk"? Well, that's got nothing on my son. He never walks, only runs.

Love him deep deep.

First

This is my firstborn, Chloe. She turns 9 this year, which of course means she is in Primary 3. It seems like an eternity ago when she was born, an event which turned out to be more exciting than we anticipated or hoped for. See, my wife and I were shopping for a new table for our home, she having been pregnant for just under 34 weeks. The full term for a baby is at 40 weeks, but a baby born before 37 weeks is considered premature.

So there we were, having just bought our table, when my wife had to go to the toilet. When she came out, she told me that she seemed to be leaking urine, but it didn't smell like urine. We hurriedly went back home, verified that it probably wasn't urine(don't ask me how), which meant that it was likely that her water bag had broken. She called the hospital, which asked her to check in to the labour ward immediately. I of course maintained my composure, and calmly told my panicking wife to cool down, everything will be alright, and drove her straight to the hospital. If you happen to know my wife, and heard a different story, about how I was the one who panicked and ran up and down the house like a madman, that was a lie. A blatant lie, I tell ya!

Anyhoo, everything turned out fine, and our baby girl was born 2 days later, at a tiny 1.950kg. My goodness, that feeling when I first held her in my arms. Fathers will know it. It just felt so amazing and miraculous that I was holding a little bundle of life that had a part of me coursing through her veins, that I helped bring this life into existence. It was something I will never forget.

Unfortunately, because she was premature, she was kept in the high dependency ward for the most of the first 1-2 weeks, and we were unable to take too many pictures. After a quick rummaging, this is one of the earliest pictures of her, at about 1 month:

As time went, she grew,

and grew,

and grew,

and grew.

And now she is 9(see first pic at beginning of post). All these years, there was so much joy, a lot of tears, ups and downs, but importantly, we grew together. I learnt, and am still learning, how to be a better father to her everyday, and even though there are days when things don't go so well, when we are not laughing together, I thank God that our bond grows stronger and stronger, and I can see in her eyes that she knows I love her with all my heart. One day, of course, she will have her own family, and will not be with my wife and myself in the way she is now, but I cherish every moment I have with her right now, and I try to build as beautiful a memory as I can of her childhood for her.

Love you, sweetie.

The start of a chronicled journey

I must confess, this is my second attempt at a blog. I was too lazy at maintaining the first one, not writing and posting regularly, until I actually became ashamed to go back to it. So why try again?

Two reasons.

Since young, I've been telling everyone that I love to write, that it's been my passion, and I always dreamed of becoming a prolific author, writing bestseller after bestseller, entertaining millions and earning billions(I'm not materialistic, I'm okay with the other way around too). Yet I often feel like a hypocrite, because I never got round to actually writing anything substantial, like a novel, or even a collection of short stories. It always seems like at any one time, I have something more important to do, like finish my exams, then get settled in my work, then get married, then after my postgraduate degree, et cetera, et cetera. And now, at the ripe old age of 37, I have yet anything to show for in the way of literary works. So I tried to write a blog a few years ago, tried to progress this dream of mine. Well, that crashed and burned. Why do I think it will work now? That brings me to reason number two.

My wife and I recently found out that we are going to have our fifth child. Nope, not a typo. FIFTH. No. 5. Lima. 第五个. Can you imagine that? Who has five kids these days?? This is almost.....masochistic behaviour!

Anyway, as we were mulling over the prospect of adding one more to our already crazy madhouse of a family, a fellow church member told us of a mother in our church who has 4 kids, and is actually thinking of having up to 6 children! After getting over our disbelief that anyone would want to voluntarily do this to herself, we found out that she works by running a blog, sharing about her family, and how she copes as a mother. Curious, I visited the blogsite, and was impressed by what I saw. The writing was novel and interesting, the pictures posted were beautiful, and I could see why it was a successful blog.

I then realised that there are many blogsites set up by mothers, talking about motherhood, family, and raising kids, things most mothers could relate to, and they sort of provide a source of comfort to mothers, reassuring that they are not alone in this long, arduous, terribly difficult journey. I mean, even Frodo needed Sam, right?

It then struck me that there are hardly any blogsites detailing the adventures of fathers. In fact, I don't know of any blogsite like that. I'm sure there must be, but surely the number must be a lot smaller than motherhood blogsites. So I started thinking, why not start a blog about how a father copes? The role of a father in the family has been, in my personal opinion, underrated for far too long, not helped by the popular media, with movies and TV shows about family depicting fathers mostly as simple-minded, beer-chugging, football-watching, backside-scratching men, not caring about taking care of the children, and whose only contribution to the family appears to be bringing home money. Sounds familiar, Simpsons fans?

Anyway, being a father is so much more, should be so much more, and I want to bring this to greater awareness, and hopefully get people to start thinking about what it means to be a father a lot more, and maybe show a bit more appreciation to fathers. I mean, it would be nice to have one or two songs dedicated to fathers for once, don't you think?

One more selling point to my blog. My five kids. Okay, the fifth one is still in my wife's womb, but it's only a matter of time. So even if there are other blogsites about fatherhood out there, I can still boast, "Ah, but does he have five children?"

I'm not good with IT stuff, or pictures, videos, whatnot. So my blog looks pretty simple right now, no fancy gadgets or whatever. But I'll try to post pictures to make things more interesting. I want to slowly introduce you to my wife and kids too. After all, this is a bit of a journal as well, recording down all the memories, so that my kids can look back on moments like this:

and laugh.

Okay then, keep an eye on this space. Do share with others if you enjoy my posts, and leave any comments that you may have. Would love to share and discuss everyone's experiences as a father.

Signing off for now.