Restart

It's been too long. Time to get back to it.

It's been over 3 years since I wrote on this blog. Lost a bit of motivation as life took over, but it's all excuses I suppose. Had a bit of a jolt recently when my daughter, Clarissa, started asking to read her Gu Gu's blog on her phone, and had enjoyed reading the posts. Every giggle, every squeal of delight, was a knife stab in my heart. How could she, my daughter, be enjoying reading the blog posts of someone other than her father's? (nothing to do with the fact that it was my sister's blog of course, I'm not petty that way)

So here I am, determined to convert her, and also because it's true that time is relentless, and soon my kids will all be grown up, so I better start chronicling their crazy escapades here before they're all gone from memory. It's also evidence of the nonsense they put up me and my wife to, in case they ever deny this in a court of law. All of you are witnesses!

A lot has happened in these 3 plus years. Chloe had her PSLE, and got herself into Crescent's Girls School. She's getting by fairly okay, but she deals with the usual struggle of coping with her studies, and at the same time fitting in with her friends, finding her identity, using her phone(a lot). You know, teenagers' stuff. I must say though, that I'm happy that she is close to the family, not always wanting to go out, or shutting herself in her room. Other than the occasional whine or tirade, she's been a good teenage daughter so far.

Gareth, Clarissa and Gideon are all in primary school, and Gareth is doing his PSLE this year, the first batch to undergo the new examination system. Hopefully things turn out okay, but Gareth will need to realize that he needs to have the right mindset and attitude to study and prepare for the exam. Go Gareth, the whole family is behind you!

Of course, the Covid pandemic struck last year, but I think we've adapted to it. Right now we're in the midst of Home-based Learning (HBL) again, and other than the crazed screams of my wife as she tries to get the kids to get on their devices for their lessons, I think we're fine.

We're also moving house this year. Our place is getting too small for the growing kids, so we've bought a new house, to have a room for each of the kids. We're about to begin renovations, and hoping that the current pandemic doesn't get worse, otherwise, if plans get delayed, we won't be able to complete the renovations in time, and will have to move out of our current place with no new house to move into yet. That will be a nightmare!

Okay, guess we're more or less caught up. All that remains is an updated pic of the kids:

Till next time!

Clarissa's day

Alriight, let's get to it! Been delaying completing this series for so long!

So the next day was Clarissa's day. We knew she really enjoyed her time at Kidzania the last time we went, so this time I offered to bring her there again for our day out, and she jumped on it right away!

Kidzania is this indoor theme park in Sentosa, where the concept is that of kids pretending to be adults, roaming around this mini-world, going around getting "work" to earn some money, that they can then use to purchase stuff at a special store. You know, like the "Masak masak" that we used to play when we were kids, only more expensive...by a lot...

So we started in the morning. It's important to arrive a bit earlier than the official opening hours, because there's always a fairly long queue. But we got in fine, and rushed to the available places to begin our day's work:

Man, I didn't take a lot of pics, must have been too busy rushing from one place to another, trying to maximise our time and cover as many stations as possible. But Clarissa definitely had great fun! And to top off the day, she got a ice cream popsicle:

It's a pity I didn't manage to get more pics, but I'm sure the memories of that day will stay in both our minds for a long time. Having all the time to focus on just one kid was really great. I guess that's the privilege that an only child gets to have, the full attention from the parents. But then again, the company of siblings can be fun too, to ensure things don't ever get lonely or boring. I would think it's just important to strike a balance, and such days out with a single kid help towards that.

Some days(read most days) my wife and I just get a bit overwhelmed with our 5 kids, and if I'm being honest with myself, I would wish for a bit of time alone. But these days, we are reminding ourselves that these times are not going to last forever, where our kids clamour for our time and attention. They are going to grow up and have their own lives. When that day comes, my wife and I don't want to be sitting in our empty home regretting not cherishing these times more, and not spending more time with the kids. That thought always gives me more strength, and motivates me to keep giving my kids my time. So for those with a few kids, and feeling a bit stressed, do remember that one day, you are going to miss these times. So let's enjoy what we can right now with our kids.

Chloe's day

Unexpected delay on this. Life just takes over sometimes.

So, after Gareth's half day on Tuesday of the September school holidays, the next child to have an exclusive day out with me was Chloe. She was all excited about it. We started our day at Westgate, having our breakfast at Ya Kun:

After that, we spent most of our morning at the Timezone arcade place there. There were lots of machines where you play games, and depending on how you did, a number of tickets were given. With enough tickets, you can exchange for prizes at the counter. Of course, it was made such that the prizes were never going to be worth the amount of money spent getting them, but hey, we had great fun playing those games, and who can price fun, right?

We got a whole bunch of tickets, that we exchanged for some prizes, but we got a bonus as well. Played the claw machine, and we got a Pooh bear!

While we were at the arcade, I was contacted by the owner of the car that Gareth made a dent in the previous day(see post on Gareth's day part 1), and arranged with him to meet up to pay him for the damages. It was a significant amount, and was a bit of a dampener. Chloe was a bit upset about the whole thing, because a bit of time had to be sacrificed from her day for this, but overall I thought she was relatively magnanimous about it. Didn't make too big of a fuss, and was determined not to let it spoil her whole day.

So anyway, we arranged to meet the guy, paid him the money, and continued with our outing.
Managed to take this cool pic at Raffles City:

As well as this not-so-cool one at one of the shopping malls at Somerset(they are all next to each other, can't remember which is which):

Sorry, you can't unsee that now.


We walked around the Somerset shopping malls, not really buying anything, but still having lots of fun. Chloe enjoyed the time together a lot:

Finally we settled on a Japanese restaurant for dinner. We were there a few minutes before opening time, there was another cool statue outside the restaurant, so just enough time for another silly pic:

The food was pretty good for the price. It was a buffet, so we ate our hearts out.

My girl loves her sashimi:

Desserts always bring a smile to anyone, right?:

It was a great day. Chloe had her father all to herself for one day, and I could tell she really loved it. It was a great opportunity to spend quality time with her, because on other days, things keep happening, she has to do things she doesn't like, she gets upset and throws tantrums, then we get upset and scold her. We are still figuring this out, and doing our best to balance out the disciplining so that it's not so hard on her(and the rest), but having such time really helps to build great memories, for myself, but more importantly, for her.

Even as I write this, about 3 months plus after the event, I'm thinking, another such a day is overdue.

Gareth's day part 1

Alright! Finally got round to writing about the one-on-one days that I had with my kids!

First up was Gareth, on the Tuesday of my week of leave in September, during the school holidays. His day was broken up into 2 halves, a Tuesday afternoon, and a Saturday morning, because I had gotten tickets to the Singapore Toy, Game and Comic Convention on that Saturday, but we couldn't stay the whole day because he had guitar lessons in the afternoon, and we had church in the evening.

So at about noon on Tuesday, full of enthusiasm and excitement, we drove down to Vivo city, planning to get a quick lunch, then go down to Sentosa, because Gareth wanted to go to the beach(the boy can't get enough of it). After we parked, he happily opened the car door and swung it open.....hard. I heard a bang and felt my heart sink. The car door on his side had hit the adjacent car, and made a significant dent in its door. I tried my best not to explode fully, and I think I did a pretty good job, I didn't shout or scream, but I couldn't really hide my dismay, and the poor boy looked downcast. I left a note on the windscreen of the said car, we finished our lunch, and then came back to the carpark. At the time, the owner had not returned. Just as I was inspecting the note again, to make sure I had written it properly, the owner came back. I explained the situation, and all things considered, he didn't take it too badly, but I could see he was upset. Well, who wouldn't be? Anyway, he said he would bring the car to his workshop, and would inform me about the repair cost. I was painfully aware that it was a pretty new car, and had an idea that it was going to cost a fair bit.

But at least there was some resolution in sight. I tried to be more positive, and it must have rubbed off on Gareth, because soon he had practically forgotten about the whole thing. We got to the beach, and had a great time. The thing about one-on-one outings with your kids(especially when you have a lot), is that you get to focus all your attention on that one kid, and it was great! I built sandcastles with him, buried his legs in the sand, and basically just spent a great time together.

We even found time to cross the bridge to that little island on the lagoon, billed as the southermost tip of the peninsula.

There were many great memories, even the little things left a great impression, like catching sight of schools of fish in the water as we were walking across the bridge. It was interesting because there were 3 distinct schools with different sizes of fish, one school with tiny fish, one with slight larger, and another with larger still fish. And there were a couple of big fishes swimming around. So we made up a story about these fishes being in primary school(school? get it? huh? huh? clever right?), secondary school, and JC, and the couple of big fishes were teachers. And the schools of bigger fishes looked like they were "scaring" the tiny fish, chasing and scattering them intermittently. It was just a silly moment, but it was a great memory.

I think when there's only one kid, and I'm devoting all my time to him, the memory of the time spent becomes deeper, sharper, whereas with all the kids at once, everything's just a blur. 

Anyway, in the later part of the evening, we still found time to take the skyline cable car(or whatever it's called), to take the luge ride.

The cable ride was crazy scary. We only had an iron bar thingy protecting us from falling to our doom, with our legs dangling in mid air. There was once a time when I would have found this thrilling, but I'm getting too old for this.

The luge ride was quite fun. We bought tickets for 2 rides(that's the minimum). Gareth caught on quickly, and he went very fast down the hill, almost overturning a couple of times in his attempts to stave off my pursuit. In the first ride, I could catch up with him quite easily, but on the second ride, I couldn't overtake him. 

By that time, it was late evening, and after stopping for some ice cream, we drove off to pick up the rest of the kids and mummy. I could see that he really enjoyed himself, and truly, that was a wonderful feeling. The car dent didn't really put a dent(heh heh) on the day's fun.

Checking in

Arrgh, not again! The time flies swifter than the dragons in Game of Thrones. It's been almost 2 months since I last posted. There's just been so many things happening. On a normal day, there's already hardly much time for anything else. On top of that, responsibilities at work take up a significant amount of time, and recently, the kids have started falling ill with viral infection one after another. Everything's a blur at the moment.

We did an interesting thing recently, though. I took a week's leave early in September, and my wife and I, we were trying out this concept about me spending one-on-one time with the kids. They don't get to see me much in the weekdays because I'm at work, and when we do have time together, we largely spend it as a whole family. So we were thinking, I would spend some individual time with each of the kids during the week I was on leave. We would plan what they want to do, and I would  do it with them the whole day, each kid having one whole day.

It was a wonderful success.

A lot of great memories were made, it was amazing. We all had great fun.

I'll write about this in the next post. Want to put in the pics that we took, but it's late now, there's another long week ahead, so I'll have to put this off a bit longer. Will come back soon, though.

Musings

A public holiday. Yeah, it's National Day, somehow it always seems a bit special, it being the country's birthday and all, but these days, I'm mostly just glad for the holiday. A little breather. A bit of time to myself, a break from all the chaos while the kids are at school.....oh wait.

Anyway, it is a chance to spend quality time together. We're going to the beach, to finally make Gareth happy. He's been wanting to go to the beach for some time, but the last 3 times we tried to make his dream come true, all 3 times it had rained. Here's hoping 4th time's the charm, and also hoping that while it will not rain, the weather won't be of the other extreme as well. And that very few people will wake up tomorrow and think, "Let's go to the beach!"

Life is getting more hectic. Two children in primary school in itself is tough, what with one having PSLE coming up next year. I don't know how to oversee the academic progress of both of them without splitting myself into two. Then there are 3 other children who demand just as much attention for different reasons. In particular, we are having to deal with Charlotte's increasing sense of curiosity and lack of sense of self-preservation. We can't take our eyes off her for a moment. She'll be climbing all over the place, often ending up in precarious positions. She's so interested in everything, and while that is nice to see, it has really become a full-time job just to watch over her.

But these times will disappear all too soon. That's something I keep trying to remind myself. And so my wife and I will not waste any day that we can spend time with our kids. Sometimes we shout, sometimes tempers flare, but  they all just add to the many memories that we will have to look back on with fondness. So bring on the beach!

Wooboy....late again. But at least I'm here.

So...wanted to write something, kind of like, advice for my girls. Something that they can read about when they are still young and receptive, before the rebellion kicks in. I want to be able to drill some of these points in while they're still young, so that when they become older, in the midst of all the physical and emotional chaos that adolescence will bring, while struggling through the hormonal upheaval, they will hold these - dare I say? - principles to heart.

I want to write about boys. Men. What to expect. What not to expect. What some of the utterly ridiculous myths and lies about them are, and how to be careful about them when need be.

Now, please don't mistake this as a male-bashing post. I am a man myself, after all. Whatever I write in this post are of course my own opinions, and by virtue of the nature of such a post, there is a certain amount of generalisation involved. But I am not writing about the exception here.

Often, whether in movies, TV shows, books, or causal conversations with people, I come across, as I'm sure many of you do, certain common characteristics that guys are supposed to possess, or certain values promoted as the right values. For the sake of my daughters, I want to point out some of these mistakes, and clarify where I stand on them. For the rest of you, read at your own leisure, or, if it offends, take it with a pinch of salt, or don't read it.


1. "When a guy says 'I love you', congratulations, because he really means it. It is just not possible for a guy to say that and not mean it."

Anyone heard this before? I've seen it in so many shows. The girl will say "I love you" to the guy, and he will at first be reluctant to say those words back, because he's still not fully sure of the relationship. Then, further down the story, as the guy becomes sure, he says them, and everybody knows, that means the guy is 100% sincere and honest, and he will stay faithful to the girl forever, because he uttered those words.

Girls, that is false. Please do not fall for this lie. Generally speaking, it is no harder for a guy to say that than for a girl to do the same. Some guys, when they do say those words, they really do mean it, and they don't take it lightly, and it is in fact a sign of their commitment. But just as many, if not more, guys will not hesitate to shout out those 3 words, in order to achieve whatever they were hoping to achieve. And since this is a family-friendly blog with family-friendly posts, I shall refrain from elaborating further what those goals might be. So it's really not a case of whether a guy says it or a girl says it, it's the character of the person, whether he means what he says or not.


2. "Just because we're together, doesn't mean I can't have my own personal space. Stop trying to find out who I go out with, and don't even think about checking my phone! That means you don't trust me!"

Again, hands up those who have come across this before. The idea is, girls, please don't be so possessive, or jealous, or demanding. Just give your man some personal space. It's okay if he keeps some things from you. Don't keep questioning him. You mean you don't trust him?

On the surface of it, it seems logical right? A lot of TV shows portray the over-possessive and insecure wife or girlfriend trying to check on the husband or boyfriend's handphone, or email, or demanding to know where he was going. More often than not, they are seen to be a bit crazy, and usually they are found to be in the wrong, and to have worried for nothing.

Call me old-fashioned, but I don't believe there should be personal space between married couples. If not married yet, fine, there's an argument for that to be made, since both parties have not fully committed to each other. But once a couple is married, the husband and wife are supposed to share in everything. There should not be any secrets between them. No such thing as meetings with own personal friends that the wife cannot interfere with. Handphone messages, emails, everything should be open and transparent. Of course, in a healthy relationship, the wife should not be demanding to check on the husband's phone messages every hour, and if the husband doesn't have a habit of hiding things, the wife, assuming she is a normal person, will not make such demands. But if she should want to look at his handphone at anytime, he should freely let her do so, since there should not be anything to hide.

The husband should also let his wife be aware at all times where he is, doing what, and with whom. It is not a matter of trust here, but accountability. It is a way of letting the wife know that he will not put himself in a compromising situation, for example, being alone with a female colleague. And going out alone with a friend of the opposite sex, no matter how platonic the friendship is supposed to be, is a definite no-no after marriage, unless there is explicit consent from the wife. And of course, this is true the other way round as well.


3. If a guy tells you not to fall for him, or not to get to close to him, or he may fall for you, and he doesn't want that because he can't give you the best, or he's not good enough, or something to that effect, please listen and run far far away!

Girls, please don't take that as a challenge, or think that the guy is so considerate, he really cares for you, and he is worried he can't give you the best, so he is fighting against his feelings and telling you to stay away. There is only one reason for saying such things: entrapment. It's a snare designed to draw you in even deeper. He knows the kind of reverse psychology effect such words will have on you. And he has the secondary benefit of an excuse if and when he breaks up with you in the end. "See, I told you right in the beginning!"


4. Beware of sweet talk and "romantic" actions.

It's a scientific fact. Guys are stimulated by visual images. Girls, on the other hand, are attracted to words, to the creating of emotions, feelings, through these words, as well as actions. So you have guys who are really adept at saying the right words, doing the right things, to create a "romantic" atmosphere. While all these things are important in enhancing the courtship process, girls have to be very careful to distinguish between this and the guy's actual character. I mean, it's all well and good to say all the touching things, we see this all the time in the TV drama serials, but it's not difficult to say these words, or do those actions. These are all superficial. Look deeper into the person's character, how he acts under pressure, how he treats other people, especially when he's not aware that you are watching. Ultimately, these are the important things you look for in a guy, not how mushy he makes you feel with words and superficial acts.


My dearest Chloe, Clarissa, and Charlotte,

There will come a time when these things become relevant to you. When it comes, I pray that you will take these points to heart. While in the whirlwind of romance, always keep your feet on the ground, and remember what is important. And when in doubt, always remember the most important advice of all: Ask your father.