"Coping" with 4 children

Many times, when my family goes out, we get "the look" a lot. Usually not in a bad way, just in amazement that we have so many children. Oftentimes, a kind auntie will smile at us and say, "Wah, very good, you all helping Singapore ah!", or some uncle will tell us, "You all have so many children, very good! Uncle also wanted so many children last time, but now regret too late already!" Me and my wife, we usually return their encouraging words with a kind (tired) smile, and continue restraining our struggling kids.

Our friends would also voice their admiration from time to time, saying they cannot fathom how we're coping with 4 kids and no domestic helper(my mother-in-law does stay with us during the weekdays, so it's not completely no help), and that we are just awesome!

This always makes me feel a bit guilty, because really, what's the definition of "coping"? Just the fact that we have 4 kids and all of us are still alive, does that constitute coping? (actually, that in itself takes a lot of effort)

My point is, most people don't know the struggles we go through as a family. As obvious as it may sound, having 4 kids(5 in the near future, *gulp*) is really not easy, and it's not something others can understand unless they have so many kids themselves. And while my wife and I are thankful for so many children, and we are generally happy together, I honestly don't know if we are "coping". There are days when it just seems too overwhelming. It often feels like we are in a room with the water level rising, and we are on tip toe, our heads arched upwards and the water just swirling around our nostrils. A comedian I saw on youtube who has 4 kids described the experience thus: imagine you are drowning, and then someone passes you a baby.

Just take one aspect in our lives: the cleanliness(or lack thereof) of our home. I present to you these unadulterated pictures of our home, taken on a whim, without any prior setup:

Our house is never tidy these days. There'll always be toys, pieces of clothing, food even, on our floor, and practically everywhere. I used to get upset, and tried to pick up all the stuff, and my wife would threaten to throw away any toy found carelessly strewn about. These days we just walk past the clutter, swerving with expert footwork to avoid every piece of debris.

And that's just the most superficial, trivial aspect of our family life. We worry about our children's future. Are they going to do well in their studies? Will they be able to choose what they want to do? Will they marry good husbands and wives? Will all my children support Spurs?

I suppose every family is different, because everyone is different. Every child is different. But I daresay for every family as big as ours, there must be considerable effort put into maintaining and building the bonds and relationships in the family, and there must be days when it will feel like we are just not "coping". But if truth be told, we love having a big family, and sometimes when we sit back, we see all the little "moments" in our family, the kids interacting with one another, the funny things that happen, even the not-so-funny ones, we wouldn't have it any other way.

When I first found out that my wife was pregnant with our 5th child, I was truly stunned, and it took me awhile to accept it, because just when I thought the worst was over, with our 4th child finally starting to walk and talk, we were going to have to do it all over again. I was affected by it. But here's a secret: there was a thrill that ran through me, a shiver of joy that shot down my spine, as I came to the realization that there was going to be another beautiful child given to us, and I tingled at the endless possibilities that this new child of ours could bring to our family and our world.

So yes, there are struggles. Yes, some days it feels impossible. But on reflection, I would say we are coping, no, we are more than coping. We are reveling in this big, crazy party that we are having. And there is room for one more guest. So bring it on!